Regrets (PM)

Well now we're on the topic, I  might mention the major regret of my life. 

Not seeing Leonard Cohen when he came to town is pretty much the major regret of my life.
I can't explain why I didn't go. I think it might be because I am a moron. That's my guess.
Actually, the first time he came, in February 2009, it was slap-bang in the middle of when I was breaking up with Ribeye. Then, I wasn't in the mood to hear all those songs of love and hate.

Im not being poetic, guys. Leonard Cohen really does have an album called Songs of Love and Hate.

See? It contains such classics as 'Last Year's Man' and 'Famous Blue Raincoat'

But then he came back in 2010. And again I didn't go. And there is no reason why not. Except that i'm a moron!

#neveragain

Regrets (AM)

What the eff are these people wearing? Speaking of regrets.

Regrets, I’ve got a few. But then again, too few to mention.

Oh, all right. I'll mention one.

It's funny you know, there are things I could have, should have, done when I was younger that would have led to me being a more successful, stable, well-rounded person. And I can even identify some of those things, but on the whole I'm happy with my life so I don't dwell on those regrets. Not at all. The regrets I dwell on are the minor ones. The ones that would have actually not affected the greater story of my life at all.

Like the time I went to see Joss Whedon speak and I had questions, questions I had actually been wanting to ask him for years and for some reason, a reason unknown to me, I did not approach the microphones during the Q&A session.

Baby and I wait for Joss to hit the stage

It was a weird time. Baby was with me and I was in a giant room full of people. Beforehand, I had kind of been prepared to do it. It was 2010 and I had literally had the questions in my head for at least 5 years. Since I first watched Firefly. Of course, my heart belongs to Buffy and the questions I had were born from Buffy but they were solidified watching Firefly. I could see in Firefly so many setups and potential storylines and I knew that had it been allowed to live, Firefly would have done some wonderful things. Then it was canned after one season. Of course I wanted to know what would have happened in Firefly if it had continued, but I knew I'd never know. So then I just wanted to know if even Joss knew the future. Ever since, the question had been burning in my mind. "In Firefly," I wanted to ask Joss Whedon, "there are so many hints at people's pasts and future stories but it was axed after a season and so we never got to find out those things. When you write do you know what all those secrets are or do you just put things in there to set up possible future events you don't even know yet?"

It was totally, metaphorically burning in there!  I wanted to know the answer so bad and yet. And yet.

Somehow when I found myself in a room with Joss Whedon and a microphone just metres from where I stood I was paralysed. Regrets. Yep, it's one of them. A big one.

And then, the other day I got this email from Mondonna. She lives in LA now.

The email was to me, Chickpea, Russeth and Frandonna. The subject line was: Hey sis and cuzes


And the body read: Ummm... Joss Whedon's  kids are at our house for dinner.

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!? I have this burning question to ask Joss Whedon and and Mondonna is dining with his kids. Sure, that is not the same as dining with Joss. And those kids are 10. But still, it somehow really stirred the flames of my regret.

Yeah, regrets. I've got a few. But when you look at them, they probably are too few to mention.

The country life (AM)

I don't know what you all did this weekend but I know that I spent 24 hours in the country and if I didn't feel so damned tired from having such a wonderful time I'd be feeling really refreshed and wonderful! What a great time! When I left on Saturday morning I felt normal, fine, you know, normal. By the time we got where we were going and people were asking, "How are you?" I was beaming and saying ,"YEAH! Really good!" And that was just after the drive!

LB, Baby and I went to a little place outside of Daylesford on Saturday for a delightful stayover with Chickpea, Strawberry, Lala, D-Digs, the Harnesenator and E&J. It was a NYE reunion. Chickers organised it and after her initial email attempt to organise the weekend had got no response, she repackaged it like this:

  Mother Gaia WORSHIP WEEKEND 

 Celebrate the WINTER SOLSTICE!!!!!! 

  Realign your CHAKRAS !!!!!!!!!!! 

 Balance your SPIRITUAL MERIDIANS!!!!!! 

 Awaken your KUNDALINI!!!!!! 

You can bet everyone got on board pretty much immediately! There were even going to be workshops.

Lala: A guided mushroom experience

Strawberry: Phatbeatz

Chickpea: Fluoro art

J: Menstruation

D-Digs: Aesthetic Enlightenment: Natural fibre's and their relationship to purification and  harmony and Go-Go for Gaia

Harnsenator: Areola reading

E&J: Sweat lodge construction & levitation

As you can see, it promised to be a pretty wonderful and enlightening weekend. And boy, the mudbrick house we stayed in really came to the Gaia party, check out this "art" that was on the wall. 

It's like a giant, metal, my family sticker! And that is just one of many. It was everywhere. In the house, around the property. My eyes got so full of ironwork art. *Shudder* There was the most hideous cat metal art on the wall. I tried to photograph it but my camera rebelled and the photo didn't work out.

It turns out, in fact, that ironwork art is really big in the Hepburn area. Why they wanna ruin the natural beauty of that place I don't understand. 

And in case you are interested in what my bedroom looked like, here is the chenille bedspread. It really lifted the room.

The only "workshop" I experienced was some impromptu go-go (for Gaia) before dinner. Sadly I was putting Baby to bed during the levitation workshop. I could hear the squeals of delight as "light as a feather, stif as a board" was performed with success.

I did partake in a pretty wonderful and feminist game of scrabble. If you ask me I got the best and most appropriate word. I wonder if you can tell which one it is.

Yesterday I had the skinniest sandwich in Daylesford I have ever seen.

But the nature guys! The nature!

Lay-by: You're OK by me! (PM)

Lay-by rules, OK!

Until yesterday I had something on lay-by too! In fact, I could have picked that baby up earlier, but I strung it out a bit just to keep the anticipation alive. You know why? Because that makes me feel alive. Much more so than the empty feeling I get from dropping a few hundred bucks on a piece of clothing that I think is somehow going to bring me happiness and fill a void. More so than chasing the full and satisfying wardrobe that I imagine will substitute for a full and satisfying life.

Shit. Did I say that out loud?

I do love a lay-by and there was a time in my life when I was lay-bying laying-by putting things on lay-by all the time. Not just for financial reasons but because it made me feel better about the whole experience of buying things. It makes a purchase seem more considered and, therefore, more justifiable. And of course, the anticipation. In fact, I may just follow K's lead and put something else on lay-by too! What? I don't know! I don't care! Just so long as I can feel something. Anything!

Lay-by: You're OK by me! (AM)

Recently, due to  financial necessity, I bought something on Lay-by.  
This is not something I normally do. Usually, if I can afford the thing I want, I buy it. If I can't, I don't. I'm a simple woman and I don't like to mess around. (Just kidding, I love messing around).

But seriously. I lay-by so infrequently that I can pretty much remember every time I've done it.


The first ever thing I acquired via Lay-buy was this: 

He was a birthday present from my Mum and Dad when I was a wee crablet. He's a Care Bear Cousin, in case you don't know. The internet thinks he was called Swift-Heart Rabbit, but that kind of grandstanding didn't go down in my family, so I  just called him Robbie Rabbit. 

I'm pretty sure I had been begging my parents to let me have him for ages, but ours was the kind of household where you only got presents if it was your birthday or Christmas. They must have got sick of my begging, because long before my birthday, they took me to the toyshop, let me select Robbie, and then put him on lay-by. 


I had no idea what this lay-by thing was and when I look back on it now, I realise that taking a kid to a toyshop, letting them choose a toy they longed for,  taking the toy out of their mitts and telling them that while it was now theirs, they couldn't collect it for several weeks was one HELL of a gamble. You should have seen how ape-shit Baby went the other day when I took a heavy glass jar full of tea-bags out of his hands because I was worried he would drop it on his cute little baby feet and hurt himself and then J would be disappointed in my because I can't look after her son while she is making me a cup of tea (thanks for the tea, mate). And heavy jars of tea bags aren't even any fun! 

But I digress. The point I am slowly making is that instead of being traumatised when Robbie was taken away from me,  I was super, super excited. While I didn't get to take Robbie with me that day, I took home something else that was maybe even more awesome:  of course I'm talking about anticipation, readers. Anticipation! That delightful gift-with-purchase with every lay-by that makes not getting the thing even better than getting the thing.


Given this extremely positive start to lay-by, I really can't tell you why I haven't done more of it over the years. I guess I have been gorging myself on the instant gratification side of things, like a damned fool.  But those days are over, readers. When I collect my green coat in a week or so, I'm going straight to David Jones to lay-by the boots I have been eyeing off. And after that, who knows, this shit could go on forever. I guess it depends how our thermomix demonstration goes down.


But in summary, let me proclaim: Lay-by is the new way to K-buy!

The Great Gatsby 2012 (PM)

Shit you guys, I love Baz too, but that trailer worries the shit out of me.

Leonardo kind of looks handsome though. Perhaps The Great Gatsby will be the movie that will put him back on the map. By which I mean, my own personal hunk map, which he has been off since he got puffy around 2002.

Good grief.

I understand he has remained on other people's map this whole time but not mine, readers, not mine. And just quickly, I thought Inception sucked. Except for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

I do like that Carey Mulligan quite a lot. I think she'll make a fine Daisy. Hey, What did I see her in recently? Oh, that's right. 

Fassbender, how did you get here?

Shame. She was in Shame. Which I thought was great but may not be everyone's cup of tea, so I will just link to the trailer rather than embed it. But Carey Mulligan was great in it. And she was great in Never Let Me Go. I think she is quite great. 

Of course I will go see The Great Gatsby, but now that I've seen that trailer I guess I will go hoping it will be good, not thinking it will be good. But go ahead and prove me wrong Baz! I would love to love this film, as I have loved all your others, including Australia. Please make that happen!

The Great Gatsby 2012 (AM)

 

Do you know what film I love? Baz Luhrmann's! All of them. Yep, even Australia. I know it got a bad wrap, but I loved it. I loved the Wizard of Oz thing it had going on. That Technicolour styling. And you know what else? It made me feel things. When Drover was running around thinking Nicole was dead after Darwin was bombed...I really felt it. So sue me.

I like Australia a lot. But in fact Strictly Ballroom and Romeo + Juliet are actually two of my favourite films.

And Moulin Rouge! Of course I effing love that film. The singing! The dancing! The drama! The Ewan! Spectacular, spectacular!

 
I think Baz makes fucking great films. I think they are beautiful, but not without substance. That is to say I think they have substance. I respond to them on all sorts of levels and that is exactly what I want from a film and rarely what I get. Sure, they are not super deep but who wants that in all the films? Not me. Some films, yes. All the films, no

It is fair to say that I am pretty damn excited about The Great Gatsby. And not just because I love Baz, but because I also effing love that book. What a goddamn beautiful marriage! Not to mention the beautiful reuniting of DiCaprio and Luhrmann. Yeah, I am excited.

So, a few weeks ago, I saw the trailer on the news. I have to say I felt a little concerned. Yeah it had the energy and beauty I expected from Baz but that party scene, presumably Gatsby's first party, it looked so much like the R+J party.

Gatsby's party

The Capulet's party

See?

Maybe Baz is just being super self-referential, but I couldn't help feeling a little worried that maybe it would be a rehash of old turf.

But then, well, I watched it again.

 

The hedonism, the tortured lovers, the pain, the joy, yeah, it kind of is a rehash. A rehash of all the stuff Baz does best! Like the genius he is! I can't fucking wait!

Haiku Thursday (AM)

Just one today readers. 

Flannelette Pyjamas

It's because of you

Cosy is in out up down

And all around me.

Good for you, winter (PM)

Let's hear it for winter! That punctual little son of a bitch.

Winter, you can be as cold as ice, lord knows you sure were yesterday. It was like being at the snow, but not as pretty. Yeah, winter is pretty, but the snow, fuggetaboutit.

I effing hate the cold. I like it when there is snow or when I am super warm while around me is cold, but on the whole the cold and dark brings me down. But hey, that's not winter's fault. Winter is just doing its job. Somebody's got to. And you know what? K's right. It's not all bad.

Thanks to winter I have totally justified buying myself this Alpha60 blanket/coat:

Slankie, I'm gonna wrap you around me so good!

I don't think it is really that long. Is it that long? I don't know if it is that long. Currently it is on lay-by and it is all I can do to keep myself from just slamming the rest of the money down on my credit card and wearing that gorgeous slanket non-stop. Slanket, I can't wait for your arrival into my loving arms.

And while we are on the topic of wrapping up, let's here it for doona. Winter is the time for doona to shine, and who doesn't love a doona!? Imagine snuggling down under this:

Not my doona

Hells yeah!

And the food, all that stodgy rich delicious food! Baked goods! Yes please!

So come on guys, let's all take it easy on winter. That ol' season has it pretty rough, but it gives us al sorts of fashion and food and hibernating opportunities that just aren't available to us the rest of the year. Winter! HUZZAH!

Good for you, winter (AM)

Winter is 12 days old and already its as cold as charity. 

We have to put up with this BS for at least three months, guys. Three months! It might as well be forever. 

Instead of crying about it, which I kind of want to do but suspect will make me feel colder, I am going to give winter the MSC positivity treatment. You remember how it goes. 

Winter, thanks for being so damned punctual. You are the only season that turns up exactly when you're supposed to, and as a person who likes to be on time, I appreciate that.  Because there is no image that goes well with punctuality, I am going to post this picture of some potato croquettes I ate one time. I expect these croquettes would be very nice to eat in winter. 

Winter, even though you are really cold, it must be said that you are quite pretty, and I like to look at pretty things. Yesterday, when I went out for breakfast with Crimpy and we sat outside because Alby was with us, it was very still and there was that soupy fog that people talk about and it was quite pleasing to the eye. Thanks for being pretty.

This is a Gerhard Richter painting that while not representative of what it looked like when I was having breakfast with Crimpy yesterday, looks very pretty and wintery.

                             

Alby resting after breakfast.

Winter, you are practically my favourite eating season. You are definitely in my top four. Winter eating is the greatest. Because all the stuff is delicious, and you have to eat it so you can manage the cold. Feeling a little cold, readers? Just eat something.  Things I like to eat during winter are:

• porridge
• goulash
• spatzle
• pies
• buttered toast
• assorted roast meats
• lasagne

Garfield was so right

This is not a complete list. 

Finally, winter, I like the footy and you are the season for footy. Go dees! I don't even care about yesterday's loss, I love you, you little demons.

A really great weekend (AM)

I know you guys don't come here on a Monday to hear about what we did on the weekend. The weekend might as well be a million years ago, right? It's yesterday's news.  Plus, sometimes the stuff we do on the weekend and then write about on Monday can be really boring. I know it. You guys know it. It's the elephant in the room (if we were all in a room).
Despite this, I really want to talk about a couple of really wonderful things that happened on the weekend. I'm sorry if this bores you. To the readily bored - we'll see you guys tomorrow. To the rest of you, get ready to be mildly entertained.

OK, first things first, a little background. The other day I was telling J that I really need a new winter coat. One that is kind of mid-length. Not long. Not short. Mid-length.

This is a mid-length coat.

This is from The Sartorialist. 

We workshopped what this might look like, and came up with something like this:

Now normally we would never workshop something like that. I mean, we are mature adults (if you factor in our ages). We have better things to do (we don't). One of us is a parent (that's a true fact). But for some reason, we just felt like collaborating on the imaginary design of a coat that I don't need. I certainly didn't expect to find exactly that coat. I mean, that coat is an ideal. It's not real. It's a fantasy. It exists in my imagination as the benchmark against which real coats are measured, and eventually through this process, an acceptable substitute  identified. I would never dream of finding that coat. I'm not crazy, guys.

Anyway, flash forward to Saturday afternoon. I was on my way to Richmond and I decided to drive along Lygon street because I thought maybe there would be a park outside Monk House and I could go in and see if they have a nice coat. Of course that was never going to happen because there are never parks on Lygon Street. But I figured I might as well.

Readers, there was a park right outside Monk House. I ducked in. Pretty much the first thing I saw was a coat that looked like this:

It's pretty much the exact coat we imagined. Only green. 

I kind of felt like it might be a joke, like how the eff could I be so lucky to get a park out the front, and find the exact coat that we had designed in our imaginations. That shit doesn't happen. Not to me. I started getting giddily excited, and then freaking out. This sometimes happens when things are going too well for me. I figure that the universe will punish me for my hubris and something will go horribly wrong. I reasoned that it would probably look shit on. That, and the fact that it's just a coat, so I wasn't really in too much danger of a nasty universe correction.  I relaxed a little and took it to the change room.

Readers, I don't want to sound like a real love-o, but it kind of looked awesome. Like, better than pretty much all the other things I have tried on. Ever. Happily I couldn't afford it because I have to take my car to the fix-it shop this week and it turns out that mortgages are really expensive. I put it back on the shelf and left to go to go on with my day.* Even though I didn't buy it, I basically felt like that was unbelievable luck.

After my day's activities, I headed home for a quiet night in. I got a DVD. I had some cake to eat. It was going to be a rad night. Of course, the Dees v. Essendon game was on, and I figured I might as well watch the first quarter, just to check in with my little guys in red and blue. Of course Melbourne were going to lose the shit out of the game. Essendon are the in-form side of the whole competition at the moment (they're one of them). There was no way the Dees could beat them.

Readers, I'm sure you know what happened. The mother flipping Dees beat mother flipping Essendon by a goal in what Richo and Lingy were calling the upset of the season. I can't really talk about it without my little heart speeding up and a general feeling of elation coming over me. It felt like winning a premiership might feel, which of course I can't comment on because I was born after 1964 which is when Melbourne won its last premiership. But none of that matters. The Dees beat Essendon guys. They totally did it.

So as you can see, my weekend was composed of these really wonderful things. And that was just one of the days! Sunday was almost as good, as I went to see the This American Life  live show at the Nova and my smile muscles are still hurting from that. The thing about all of this is that it wasn't even one of those weekends that you know is going to be rad because you've planned some great things or what have you. It was just going to be regular but it turned out super awesome. I hope it lasts readers, I hope it lasts.  


* J met me at Monkhouse on Sunday and after  about 10 seconds of trying the coat on again, we agreed that I should put that beautiful baby on layby.

#creepysexyforlife

When Miss Soft Crab went to see Prince play a couple of weeks ago we discussed a little phenomenon we like to call creepy sexy. We tried to figure out why, how, at 54, Prince can not just be so totally awesome, but somehow really attractive. Yes, he writes what is arguably some of the best music of all time. No denying that. And that is a huge part of the appeal, but does that keep others going? Usually no. But what if a guy is creepy sexy? Well that is something else altogether. How can age take away what was never about youth and beauty in the first place? It can't! CREEPYSEXY! If a man is so overtly sexual it would usually be sickeningly repulsive, but somehow is hot, can anyone take that away? NO! CREEPYSEXY!

J: So mate, I think it's time we talked about creepy sexy. I did see Prince again last night, after all.

 

K:  You're right, it's time. OK, lets workshop this. Mate, what do we mean by creepy sexy.

 

J:  Great question. I guess it means someone who is kind of overtly sexual in a creepy, yet somehow awesome way. Not just someone is both a hunk but also a bit creepy (see: Christian Bale, Casey Affleck).

 

K:  Yes, creepy sexy is more than just a hunk who is a little creepy. In fact, creepy sexy people typically aren't hunks.That's what's so surprising about them.

 

J:  Exactly. Like, for example Prince. Look I'm just going to come out and say it. I want to talk about Prince a lot, but I'm happy to talk about other people too. OK, so Prince, now he is not your typical hunk. And usually I would find overt sexuality pretty repulsive but Prince is so creepily overt it is kind of irresistible.

K:  Seeing Prince has brought this creepy sexy issue to the fore for me too. Here are some feelings I have been feeling since seeing him: Revulsion. Desire. Admiration. Phwoar.

 

J:  YES! YES! I feel exactly the same. But actually, when it comes to revulsion I mostly think that is something I should feel but absolutely do not.

 

K:  Mate, is Prince in your top ten?

J:  Kind of. Like, in a way he is the number one. ICHI BAN! But not in a real way. It's hard to explain. He is so awesome. Like a beautiful angel. But mate, we are getting off topic. We are talking creepy sexy. Not top 10. Do you want to tell the people who else you think is creepy sexy?

 

 

K:  Sure, I'll tell the people who else is creepy sexy. I think Bonnie Prince Billy is creepy sexy. He is extremely, extremely sexual and creepual. Don't you think?

 

J:  Let's see what the readers think?

  

Is this man creepy sexy?

 

 

K:  Oh come on mate. Now I look like the creepy one.

 

J:  Yeah, that wasn't fair. This is what he normally looks like:

 

He's creepy something

 K:  Oh for goodness sake. Stop it at once! 

Look, I know J doesn't agree with me on this one, but BPB walks a similar path to Prince. He makes super great music. That music is overtly sexual. On paper, he shouldn't be attractive at all but he is, readers. He is! 

Just like Prince!

J:  OK, here is a picture of BPB singing his very beautiful music:

 

 

 

And it is true, his music is awesome and it is overtly sexual, and far from making it and him repulsive it makes them both attractive. I guess the problem is, for me, next to Prince, nothing compares.

 

K:  Well yes, there is that. But like you said, this chat is about creepy sexy, not just Prince, and we owe it to all the other creepy sexy babies out there to give them some time to shine. 

OK, this next one is going to do nothing to dissuade the readers from thinking that I am indeed creepy. But I have to say what I feel, and I feel that this man is creepy sexy.

 

 

J:  Look... Gee... Um... Look... 

 

I am not going to get into a debate about the attractiveness of RdN but, creepy sexy? You are right, this definitely says more about you then him. Go on defend it.

  

K:  Well, OK, sure, I will do that. I  mean, I could if I wanted to. Any time. Easily! I just don't feel like it right now. 

 

Jokies! You really must see Godfather part 2 to understand creepy sexy RdN.

 

 

K:  Now cop a look at that, would you? Obviously he is a handsome devil. But when I first saw him, around the Cape Fear era, he was less handsome and just more out and out compelling. Like you know you should be repelled or something, but you're not mate. You're not.

 

J:  Sure. I understand what you are saying. Creepy compelling sexy. I can dig it. And definitely I would say de Niro has that.

 

Look I think that Bobby and Bonnie both have special creepy hotness, but for me they are not in the same category as Prince. And I don't just mean he is so far above them (though I think that too). What I mean is that they actually inhabit different categories of special hunk.

 

K:  Interesting. Go on.

 

J:  So either a) creepy sexy means different things to you and me; or b) you crazy girlfriend!

 

K:  Both are possible. Is there anyone else you think is creepy sexy?

 

J:  Ummmmm. Ummmmmmmmmmmm. Well....

  

 

K:  Mate, is this post not really about creepy sexy at all?

 

J:  Shit!

 

Shit. I thought it was. I thought it was about creepy sexy. But it's just about Prince. I love him. I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

K:  Shit mate, you really love him. It's cool.You wanna show the readers some more pictures?

J:  I thought you'd never ask!

 

 

 

 

But seriously folks. I want to say one more thing about why Prince is so awesome. Two. Two things.

Have you seen the way he dances? HOT

 

K:  You're right. it's really hot.

  

J:  Also, he always seems to be having such an awesome time. And everything is kind of a joke. He is not earnest about all that sexuality. HOT!

 

K:  Totally good point. Dude is always having a great time. And  that's something that you certainly can't say about BPB and RdN. Creepy sexy though they are.

 

J:  Exactly! (To the first point, second point remains unconfirmed.) And that is why Prince is KING OF CREEPY SEXY! #creepysexyforlife